The Friendship Jigsaw

The worst holiday in the history of the world happened to me. No one died let alone got hurt or sick. Our luggage was never lost and we weren't robbed of our valuables. I didn't have the mother in law to contend with. I didn't have to sit in circles holding hands with strangers whilst singing kumbaya. We weren't stuck in an airport and we weren't caught in any natural disasters. No, my holiday was worse than any of those possibilities.
In the middle of a cold dreary winter, by a beach with no surf, in a house with no t.v or books, I was stuck with the better half doing a jigsaw puzzle for 3 days.

A bloody jigsaw puzzle. 1000 pieces of some eastern european countryside. 990 of those pieces all seemingly the same shade of dull green. I couldn't see the point. If I wanted to look at a pretty picture I would just cut the cover off the box and pin it to the wall. I mean the picture was right there, we spent 3 days trying to create a picture that we were looking at the whole time. Jigsaw puzzles belong in the darkest recesses of your grandmothers wardrobe, a throwback from the days of no electricity, no telephone and no sex before marriage. There was nothing else to do other than cut up a nice picture and spend hours trying to make it look half as good as it was before being vilified.

The only gift required to fulfil this hobby is having no life so that nothing exciting can pull you away from the task. Truth be told, a lot of situations in life are like a jigsaw puzzle. You try and get all the parts to fit together to give you something whole. Friendships are like that. You try to surround yourself with people whose company you enjoy and with whom you have a mutual desire to see each other happy. Different friends make up different parts of the puzzle but they are all important to complete the picture, you or me.

I can't remember my first friend. I was trying to think of who it would have been and the best I could come up with was a boy who used to wear a blue tshirt at kindergarten. What his name was, well I have no idea but if he's reading this I do apologise for hogging the tonka truck and making him cry 31 years ago. As I've moved through life, friends and really close friends have moved too. Some you move on from, some friendships fail because you make a mistake and don't know how to say sorry and some stay; they are always there through good times and bad. Having a child, who at first just seems badly behaved, and then later you are told has autism, is one of those bad times and then as the cliche goes, you find out who your true mates are.

Some people either don't like being around when your child is prone to bouts of frustration or they feel awkward and as such, try not to be around for fear of such an episode. Gradually, they will stop visiting, stop ringing and certainly don't ask you around for tea anymore. Before you know it, your circle of friends halves because it can be tough being friends with a family with Autism. Since Cam has been diagnosed, we have been fortunate enough to meet other people in similar situations and they are great people who have the added bonus of empathy for what the tough times can be like and how the good times make it all so worthwhile. Also through my rather sycophantic obsession with cricket and Northern Districts, we have been lucky to make friends with people who just have empathy for everyone, us included.

One decided to come running with me, to try and help me get through the initial pain barrier of my first couple of events. I was told once the greatest gift you could give was your time and he has certainly done that in abundance. The other people that spring to mind could be seen as being quite different. One is a shoe fanatic and the other is a fanatic for shoe fanatics. They care about Cam and understand that sudden changes or surprises can be upsetting. And yet, knowing this, they have invited us to go out for tea with them tomorrow night and to bring Cam.

Taking Cam out to tea to a restaurant would normally strike fear into me. I'd rather go for a drive in a car with the mother in law and talk about feelings such is the unease I would feel. However, they must have anticipated this as they suggested to meet a bit earlier so as to give him time to adjust.
So we are going and I know that all will be fine because if he is having a bad night, they won't let it affect ours or their enjoyment. I don't do serious very well. I don't do appreciation very well and I certainly don't do jigsaw puzzles very well. But I have come to realise that in life, our own jigsaw puzzle evolves and how we would like things to look changes. We feel lucky that as we go along, we are finding the right pieces to complement and complete what we already have.